Dear readers,
It has been some time since I last posted on this
blog, but I want to pick up the slack and start posting regularly again.
Today's post will be a little less cheery than my posts usually are. I want to
write to you about the part that is hardest for me about going abroad and
coming back.
So far I spent a school year (my junior/ 11th grade)
in Oregon, US and as you might know the fall semester 2014 at the University of
Tulsa. Ever since my first year abroad, I left a big chunk of my heart there. I
found a new family and I found another country where I feel at home. This truly
is a blessing and I am more than grateful for this experience and this
connection to the English language and the United States of American. It truly
changed and enhanced my life.
This also holds true for this last time at TU. I found
a whole house full of sisters and yet another place that feels quite a bit like
home for me. I learned a lot about myself and friendship. Namely: building a
friendship is hard work and it takes time.
So what is so hard and terrible about it? I am a
person who does things with all her heart. When I do something I am usually all
in. I also love wastefully. I don't actually believe that love can be wasted,
but it paints a certain picture that I think very well describes what I feel
like. This trade is the main reason that my host family in Oregon actually
became my second family and why at least for me those 60+ girls at Tri Delta
are like sisters. All of them! Because even though I might not have spent a lot
of time with every single one, I see the potential and I just know that could
have been and I see them for the beautiful women they are (becoming).
I would never want to miss a single one of those
experiences and I would never want to change that about myself. BUT: This also
means that I am constantly torn between wanting to be there and wanting to be
here. I constantly see a life in front of me that I could be leading there,
because I have been actually living there. It is a little like having an alternate
universe where I'm studying in America and where I'm in a sorority and where I
live with my host family. I constantly miss a lot of people and that also
brings a lot of sadness with it,
And there is nothing I can do about it. Even if I move
to the US (for a while), I will be missing Germany and my family. I have two
big hearts beating in my chest longing for two different things and I can't
have them both. One is always aching.
Okay, enough with the sappy stuff. I just really felt
like writing about it will make me feel better. And it does. :)
While this post turned a little sappy and it really
isn't easy for me, I want to emphasize that I would not change the way I
handled my times abroad. I made the most of it, because I was all in with all
my heart and I loved wastefully and I wasn't afraid of tearing my walls down.
If you are going abroad for some time, please try to do the same. It will be
more than worth it, even the heart ache you might have at some times. You
should really at least try your best!
With a heavy heart I will go to bed now. :)
Thank you for reading to the end!
Jenny
Sch.
