It isn't easy...

Dear readers,

It has been some time since I last posted on this blog, but I want to pick up the slack and start posting regularly again. Today's post will be a little less cheery than my posts usually are. I want to write to you about the part that is hardest for me about going abroad and coming back.

So far I spent a school year (my junior/ 11th grade) in Oregon, US and as you might know the fall semester 2014 at the University of Tulsa. Ever since my first year abroad, I left a big chunk of my heart there. I found a new family and I found another country where I feel at home. This truly is a blessing and I am more than grateful for this experience and this connection to the English language and the United States of American. It truly changed and enhanced my life.

This also holds true for this last time at TU. I found a whole house full of sisters and yet another place that feels quite a bit like home for me. I learned a lot about myself and friendship. Namely: building a friendship is hard work and it takes time.

So what is so hard and terrible about it? I am a person who does things with all her heart. When I do something I am usually all in. I also love wastefully. I don't actually believe that love can be wasted, but it paints a certain picture that I think very well describes what I feel like. This trade is the main reason that my host family in Oregon actually became my second family and why at least for me those 60+ girls at Tri Delta are like sisters. All of them! Because even though I might not have spent a lot of time with every single one, I see the potential and I just know that could have been and I see them for the beautiful women they are (becoming).

I would never want to miss a single one of those experiences and I would never want to change that about myself. BUT: This also means that I am constantly torn between wanting to be there and wanting to be here. I constantly see a life in front of me that I could be leading there, because I have been actually living there. It is a little like having an alternate universe where I'm studying in America and where I'm in a sorority and where I live with my host family. I constantly miss a lot of people and that also brings a lot of sadness with it,

And there is nothing I can do about it. Even if I move to the US (for a while), I will be missing Germany and my family. I have two big hearts beating in my chest longing for two different things and I can't have them both. One is always aching.

Okay, enough with the sappy stuff. I just really felt like writing about it will make me feel better. And it does. :)

While this post turned a little sappy and it really isn't easy for me, I want to emphasize that I would not change the way I handled my times abroad. I made the most of it, because I was all in with all my heart and I loved wastefully and I wasn't afraid of tearing my walls down. If you are going abroad for some time, please try to do the same. It will be more than worth it, even the heart ache you might have at some times. You should really at least try your best!

With a heavy heart I will go to bed now. :)

Thank you for reading to the end!

Jenny Sch.